No More Comparing
by unlikelyRLshipper
Summary: D/L. SPOILERS FOR 9.13, SO DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE EPISODE! A conversation between our favourite couple about the present, and the past.


***Once again, if you have not already seen 9.13, DO NOT READ THIS because it will reveal a HUGE plot point for you. This is your final warning***

**I seriously don't think I have ever written and posted a post-ep so quickly after an episode aired, and somehow I've managed to do two! But enough about me, let's get back to the most important thing: D/L ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY! AHHHH! *fangirl fit* Sorry, I'm sure it will sink in eventually (or maybe not), but I still can't contain my excitement and it's probably safe to say that most of you are in the same boat as me. What a great boat, eh?! ;)**

**OK, so this post-ep takes place a few days after the end of 9.13, and that's about all I can tell you without revealing too much. Please enjoy!**

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**No More Comparing**

Lindsay Messer could not stop crying.

She'd spent the last twenty minutes trying to make it stop, but to no avail. She knew that part of the crying was the result of her pregnancy: though she'd only figured it out for herself and told Danny four days ago and then been to her doctor's for the blood test confirmation just yesterday, she was already about ten weeks pregnant. How she hadn't figured it out before, she could only say that the symptoms this time were different than with Lucy. Her most prominent symptom was the crazy temperature fluctuation, something that she only experienced a bit in later pregnancy with Lucy. One minute she'd be freezing cold and the next she'd be boiling in her own skin. She knew she was still fairly early in the process, but she really hoped that this symptom would not last for the next seven months.

She also seemed to be dealing much better with the morning sickness in this pregnancy. With Lucy, she'd barely been able to keep anything down until she was about thirteen weeks along, but so far this time, she'd been able to keep the nausea at bay for the most part. She'd only thrown up twice on the day she'd finally figured it out and then again early this morning when Danny came in to see her, his steaming cup of coffee situated right under her nose. Thankfully, Lucy was still asleep as she'd bolted from their bed and ran straight for the toilet, dry heaving into the porcelain god.

So yeah, the crying could be partially blamed on her pregnancy, but she couldn't deny that some of it was also because she was constantly being reminded of her previous pregnancy and how different this one was already with respect to Danny, even after just four days. It wasn't that he was anything wrong, but just the opposite: he was sweet, he was attentive, and he was beyond excited about having another baby. He was always checking to make sure that she was doing OK and asking if he could do anything for her or get anything for her. When they were alone, he took every opportunity to either have his hand on her stomach, stroking it gently, or he was leaning down to kiss her skin and whisper to the tiny little thing growing within her.

And then there was this morning, when he'd been right at her side as she was bent over the toilet, rubbing her back in comfort and apologizing profusely for setting her nausea off. When she finally stood up again, her stomach settled once more, he quickly got her a glass of water and wet a facecloth to wipe the sweat from her face. Before he let her return to their bedroom, he made sure that his coffee was nowhere in sight (or scent) and he brought her a box of crackers and re-filled her glass of water just in case she wanted either. He'd tucked her back into bed and insisted that she try to go back to sleep, reassuring her that he'd get Lucy up, ready, and off to school by himself before returning to spend the rest of the morning of their joint day off however she wanted. She'd tried to fall asleep just as he'd suggested but it never happened. Her mind was too busy thinking about her last pregnancy and remembering how unhappily it had begun. She'd been feigning sleep until she heard the two of them leave the apartment, and when she started to sit up to wait for Danny to get back so she could talk to him about it, one glance at her nightstand with the crackers and the water and she just lost it.

At first, she was fine with just letting herself get it all out before Danny returned, not wanting to scare him or worry him with her tears, but now after twenty minutes and with no luck at stopping yet, she was starting to panic. At most, she knew she probably had ten minutes before Danny came back, so she focused all her thoughts on stopping crying.

Just as Lindsay thought she was starting to get control again, she heard the keys jingle in the front door lock. She quickly shoved her fist in her mouth to quiet the sob she felt coming up and kept it there as she listened to Danny try and make as little noise as possible, thinking her to be asleep. With her last few seconds of privacy, Lindsay used her free hand to wipe at her cheeks, though it didn't do any real good as the tears continued to fall. Hearing him begin to push the bedroom door open, she suddenly froze, unable to look away as Danny entered their room and his face quickly went from serene to panicked.

"Lindsay, what's wrong?"

Her only answer was another sob muffled by her fist.

"Is it the baby?" He looked more and more terrified as the milliseconds ticked by. She still couldn't answer him with words, but she shook her head rather forcefully just to be sure that he understood that their baby was fine.

With that fear allayed for the moment, Danny suddenly seemed to find his feet again as he gracelessly made his way to the bed and sat down beside her, quickly pulling her into his body and using his hands to wipe at her tear-stained cheeks. "Please Linds, tell me what's going on. You're scaring me."

"Can't…stop…crying," she managed to squeak out, anchoring herself to him with the hand she'd just removed from her mouth.

"But what's caused it, sweetheart?"

"You…me…" Before she could get anything else out, another sob wracked Lindsay's body and she threw her face into his neck.

Danny tried to calm her down, running a hand up and down her back and whispering words of comfort to her, but his mind was racing, trying to figure out what she meant. He honestly had no idea what he'd done wrong to make her break apart so thoroughly and he couldn't understand how she'd done something to herself to cause this outburst. He had a million questions running through his head at the moment, but he knew he first needed to get his wife calmed down.

It took about another five minutes for him to no longer feel a steady stream of fresh tears landing on his neck. Using his free hand, he reached across Lindsay to grab the tissue box from her nightstand. Gently coaxing her back out of his neck, he pulled a tissue out and began to wipe at her cheeks. He grabbed another and gently wiped her nose, just as he would for Lucy, and he saw in her eyes that his gestures made her want to cry again. No further tears came though, which Danny was thankful for. It appeared as though Lindsay had cried herself out, so maybe now he could finally understand what was going on.

"The water and the crackers," Lindsay blurted out unexpectedly.

"What?"

"That's why I started crying, because of the water and the crackers."

"I'm sorry Lindsay, I don't understand. I'm trying to, but I don't get why those things would make you cry."

Lindsay took a few minutes to collect herself before she spoke again. "They reminded me of how great you've been to me over the past four days, how different it's been this time, and I…I – I'm sorry Danny."

Lindsay broke eye contact with him then, feeling another wave of guilt washing over her. She thought that the tears would start up again, but she was both surprised and relieved when no more came. All too soon for her liking, Danny's fingers were lifting her chin so she was looking at him once again.

"Honey, why are you sorry? What have you got to be sorry about?"

"Basically the entire first trimester of my pregnancy with Lucy."

"Huh?!" Danny thought that getting her to talk would clear up his confusion, not add to it each time she spoke.

"We've known about my pregnancy for only four days now, but already it's been infinitely better then my entire first trimester with Lucy. I was nauseous the whole time, I was terrified, but most of all I felt so alone. I'm sure that avoiding you and not telling you the truth and pretending that nothing was going on only made me feel worse, but I couldn't tell you that I was pregnant. And then when I couldn't keep it from you anymore, I tried to keep you at a distance once you knew. I didn't want to be alone, but I couldn't let you in either, at least not right away. Now as I think back on it, I wish I'd not been so stubborn or unsure – maybe then it wouldn't have taken me so long to just be excited about becoming a mom."

"Babe, I want you to listen to me right now, OK?" When she nodded, he continued. "You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. When you were first pregnant with Lucy, we were in a pretty bad place with each other – a lot of it my fault – so you had to look out for yourself and for the baby. How you decided to handle things – it hurt me, I won't lie, but I made my peace with that a long time ago, and I was never mad at you for your choices because realistically, I hadn't given you any other options. And for as much as I wish this wasn't true, I honestly don't think I would've been so caring and attentive to you even if things had gone differently back then."

His statement and the utter conviction he put into it gave Lindsay pause. "Why not?" she asked, wanting to understand his perspective more than anything else.

"Because I was too terrified and unsure of what the future would be like. I still had some growing up to do then too, getting over my selfishness. And don't forget, Linds, that it took me almost as long as you to finally be excited about the baby, and not all of that was down to our rocky relationship. It's not like I'd never thought about having kids before then, because I had and it was something that I wanted to do, but I was always thinking in the abstract. Kids were 'in my future,' 'eventually,' or 'someday,' not 'here's a sonogram of your child, you're gonna be a dad in a few months'. It took me some time to accept that I was going to be a dad and I wanted to get my head together first before I let myself get too close to you. You already had enough to deal with on your own, you didn't need my insecurities added on to it."

"I guess you're right," Lindsay conceded somewhat reluctantly, still not totally convinced.

"I don't think it would be a stretch to say that most first-time parents don't enjoy the pregnancy as much as they'd like to because they have no idea what to expect. The next go-round though, at least you have a vague sense of what's coming so you can take time to just be in the moment," Danny stated, still trying to get Lindsay to see things his way. When she still seemed somewhat unconvinced, he tried another direction.

"Babe, you also have to remember that the first trimester was only one part of your pregnancy, and the rest of it – what, six, almost seventh months – I was there with you every step of the way. You may believe that I missed out on some things, but you're wrong. I may not have been there in person, but I got to see the first sonogram photo – I still have it, though I eventually had to take it out of my wallet so it wouldn't wear down anymore. I got to hear Lucy's heartbeat, I was there with you for most of your ultrasounds. You sent me a text right after you found out we were having a girl and though I couldn't be there with you, we spent hours on the phone that night, talking about names as you filled me in on the appointment and everything the baby was doing. I got to see your stomach grow as the baby grew and you looked more and more beautiful with each passing day. I got to feel Lucy's first movements and then the times where she was kicking up a storm and driving you nuts. I was there for all of that and everything in between. I think that instead of dwelling on the past or trying to compare what happened then to what's happening now, we should just experience everything as it comes and figure it out as we go along. I'm so happy that we're doing this again and it's time that we treat it as its own thing, don't you think?"

Lindsay remained silent for a few moments, contemplating Danny's suggestion. Though it seemed only natural for her to compare her pregnancies, she realized that it wouldn't be fair. Even if their baby wasn't anywhere close to being born, he or she was already his or her own individual person, and not Lucy 2.0. The more she thought about it, she recognized that this was as good a time as any to stop trying to measure her children against each other. _'Children_' – just the word itself brought a big smile to her face. Turning her full attention back to Danny, Lindsay watched as a smile crept up on his face, one that mirrored her own.

"OK, no more comparing – you're right."

"Good." Leaning in, Danny gave her a quick and sweet kiss. "So, what do you want to do with our morning off? Anything you want, I'm up for it."

"How about a little more time in bed? I really don't feel like getting up yet, especially not when I have you all to myself."

"Sounds good to me." Quickly kicking off his shoes, Danny shifted down to lie on their bed and as Lindsay joined him, he leaned in to kiss her forehead before pulling her body into his, running his hand up and down the length of her back. He wasn't surprised when she nodded off to sleep rather quickly, knowing her extended crying session had taken a lot out of her. Though he wasn't tired, he was more than content to just lie there and watch her, feeling more in love with her as each second ticked by.

He waited for twenty minutes, wanting to make sure that he wouldn't wake her up, before he slowly moved down the bed so his face was level with her stomach. Just as he'd done with Lucy, he planned on taking every opportunity to talk to their baby, but this was a conversation he wanted to have in private. Placing his hand firmly across her stomach and then checking one last time to make sure his wife was still asleep, Danny finally started to speak.

"Hi in there, it's Daddy again. You caught Mommy and me off-guard, little one, but we're both so happy that you're coming and we love you so much. Don't you worry about Mommy, she was a little sad earlier but she's OK now, I made her feel better. You'll soon learn that that is something I'm good at – I can make Mommy and Lucy, your big sister, feel better whenever they're feeling sad and I'm gonna do the same for you. I will tell you right from the beginning that I'm not a perfect Daddy – I'm gonna make mistakes with you just like I've done with Lucy, only they'll be different mistakes this time – but I will always try my hardest to do what's best for you. That doesn't mean you'll always like it, or like me, but no matter what, I will always love you. That much I can promise you.

"Now, I'm going to give you the best piece of advice right now, and here it is: be more like Mommy than like me. If she was awake right now she'd say I was being silly, but trust me, she's perfect and if you turn out like her, life will be so much easier for you, believe me. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and because of her I got you and Lucy, which makes me the luckiest man in the world. I'll let you get back to growing in there, but I just want you to remember what I've told you for when you meet us, OK? I'll be the goofy-looking one and the beautiful one who looks like an angel, that will be Mommy. Anyways, I'll talk to you again real soon. Daddy loves you."

Giving her stomach a barely-there kiss, Danny pulled back and shifted up to his former position, pleased with himself because he hadn't woken Lindsay up. Quickly reaching for his phone, he set the timer for a half-hour's time and put it back on the nightstand, wanting to make sure that neither of them would sleep away their entire morning.

As he finally closed his eyes and let himself drift off for a little nap, Danny missed the single tear that fell from Lindsay's eyes.

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**And there you have it! I really wish we didn't have to wait two weeks for a new episode because I seriously want to know how the writers are going to deal with this storyline, but at least it gives me a chance to catch up on my other post-eps before then. In fact, that's what I'm going to go do now, while the creative juices are still flowing!**

**Thank you for reading! Until next time,**

**unlikelyRLshipper :)**


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